Last night, I felt this funny feeling inside my stomach as I was staring at my computer screen. Then it finally hit me, and with a blink of an eye, it all made sense. The moment I have been waiting for is slowly approaching: the launching of my Memoir.
I thought I had planned for everything. But this confusion of mixed emotions washed over me, filling me with doubt, increasing my uncertainties, and raising many questions. Will people enjoy the book? Will they judge me? Will they even buy it?
I have told my story before, but putting it into writing for the rest of the world to see terrifies me. I give talks and I write these blogs, but being open as a book (no pun intended… or maybe it is) was something I didn’t prepare myself for enough.
And maybe I was avoiding this exact moment. But this week when I started looking into book designers, photo shoots, and finding the perfect title… all of that made me realize that this book launch is finally going to happen. It felt like a wake-up call to reality.
I’m trying to plan the perfect wedding for my book (or at least, that’s how it feels). In the end, I want this book to look as pretty as any bride would want to look and feel on their special day (cliché, I know…).
And I know you may be scratching your head thinking, “it’s just a book.” Well, for me–– it’s my story.
Rome sure wasn’t built in a day and neither was my memoir.
Some days it was about re-living some of my darkest places––over and over. I laughed and I cried. I felt angry, upset, guilt, and on my worst days, shame.
I read the script a million times to make sure it was a good enough balance between funny and real.
So now, the moment I have been waiting for is near. But there still many moments when I am taken over by my negative self-talk and anxiety over what people will make out of my story.
To be sure, no one ever forced me to write a book about my life. I wanted to do it; in fact, I had to do it. So many people have helped me throughout my path and I wanted to pay it forward and help or inspire someone else.
Let’s face it, stigma, that’s the one big reason I am going to tell my story. The book will discuss how I conquered blindness, depression, and anxiety.
My story isn’t written to be compared to someone else’s. We all have a story and I am choosing to tell mine not because it’s more important but because this is my experience and my journey, only.
The book is for me, for the people I love, and for you, the readers. For some of you, it will offer consolation. Others will realize after reading this that they are not crazy. The book is not meant to hurt or undermine anyone who shaped who I am. This will be my experience and my experience only. I don’t have anything to apologize for.
Be kind, be educated, open-minded and have an open heart and get excited to pre-order a copy of this incredible memoir by the end of the year. Please check out my website to stay tuned and find out when you can order your copy.
Take this journey with me.
And as far as those who will be quick to judge? Well, at the end, it will be the ones that stick by my side that will matter the most. My mother, my friends, and my two four legged friends, I love dearly.
Let’s face it, “The only disability in life is a bad attitude.”
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