I was 13 years old when I obsessively fantasized over the days so-called “future.”
According to my imaginary crystal ball, 28 would be the year filled with surprises: love, marriage, children, home, and a steady job (and possibly the year I won the jackpot, okay, maybe not…)
But, instead, here I am today, a few weeks away from turning 28. I ask myself, where have I’ve gone wrong?
What was supposed to be a happily ever after ending may have turned into a disaster. One I was not ready for.
- Diagnosed with an eye disorder called cone dystrophy
- And still in graduate school
Talk about winning a jackpot? And even when I try to not think about it for too long, social media reminds me that my biological clock is ticking. Newsfeeds are filled with marriage proposals and pregnancies.
All which has led me to feel insane—about to have my third panic attack thus far. “Now or never” thinking has been my worst enemy.
I am not happy with life, not because I am not married or because I don’t have the dream job. I am unhappy because it took years to realize how life doesn’t come with planners and things happen naturally—no matter what age. In other words, we have no control over our lives.
The minute I stop associating age with events, I’ll start living life the way I should have always lived it—one day at a time.
And this year, I only wish to spend my birthday with family, friends, and my (two) four-legged friends.
I’ll treat myself to a couple of Martini’s, blow my candles, and accept 28 as it is. Maybe I’ll never completely understand life, but one thing I know, I’m done putting a number on things—you bet I am.
“Attitude is the true measurement of age.”
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